Help! I Got Dumped
Take a deep breath. Relax, you’ll be fine!
First of all, realize that we’ve all been there. ALL of us, including the very best Duan Juans get dumped. And yes it stings, but the pain WILL go away. You were fine before you met this woman, you’ll be just fine after.
I’m sure that at this point you’re convinced that she was the only one for you, and that no other woman can possibly compare to how wonderful she was. You may even feel that you’ll never date again because you’ll never be able to fall in love again. Nonsense! Even though you probably won’t believe it right now, I have no doubt that you’ll eventually find someone that surpasses the girl that got away.
Or you may just feel pissed off! She cheated on you, or possibly betrayed you in some way. If this is the case then you’re in luck. These are the easiest types of relationships to get over because you can simply write her off as not being worthy of you. And she’s not!
I’m sure that you’ve already gotten the “many fish in the sea” pep talk from your friends. They may have even offered to hook you up with a date or two. Unfortunately, instead of going out to meet women you may be stuck in the denial stage. The denial stage really blows because you’ll devise all of these elaborate plans to win her back. Or you’ll come up with reasons why she’s bound to take you back eventually. If you’re stuck in this stage, it’s best just to accept the fact that the relationship is over and move on.
I know it’s easier said than done, but the very best thing that you can do right now is to keep active. Keep your mind off of your loss, because it really is a loss. Depending upon the length of the relationship, you may have become conditioned to having her around. Subconsciously you may even miss her without consciously realizing it. Being around a loved one can release calming endorphins which when deprived of, your body will take notice and react to.
When I’m truly heartbroken I exercise, A LOT! I far prefer physical pain to emotional pain so I’ll run, hike, and surf as often, and for as long as I can tolerate. I want to be SO tired when my body hits the bed at night that I can’t keep my eyes open. After hiking thirteen miles through rough terrain in the afternoon, I’m not going to have the energy left to miss some woman.
Physical activity also releases Serotonin and other chemicals in the brain which facilitates calming feelings and suppresses depression. Basically, hard physical activity destroys sadness. Trust me, I know you feel like crawling into a hole and dying, but FORCE yourself out of the house. Just breathing some fresh air and occupying your mind with something other than your problems WILL make you feel better.
When trying to get over a relationship that has gone sour avoid alcohol. Although it will sometimes give you a temporary boost in spirits, it can also intensify emotions making your loss hurt even more. The impending hangover that often follows WILL make you feel even worse the next day. Save alcohol for celebrations, those times when you’re in the very best of spirits and wish to celebrate life.
Although always most intense at the beginning the pain will fade, often times more quickly than you expect. I’m always surprised at how much better I feel only a few days after a break-up.
Ultimately, the best way to heal a broken heart is to find someone new. Once you’ve gotten past those first couple weeks after the break-up when emotions are particularly raw, force yourself to get back on the horse and start meeting women again.
For more information on why you shouldn’t agonize over the one that got away, read our article on soulmates.