How To End The Relationship
I have this passive aggressive acquaintance that wanted to break up with his girlfriend of six months. First he stopped calling her. Of course she noticed that something was wrong immediately. But then she’d call him and they’d chat just as if nothing was amiss. At first she figured that he was just busy.
When she wanted to see him she’d stop by his place and after pushing through his excuses, he would agree to go out with her. She did notice some reluctance on his part but again assumed that he was just tired, stressed out, or had something on his mind. By the end of the date everything would seem normal to her again.
To make matters worse, after a night of drinking HE would call HER for a late night booty call. Even though she was starting to question the merits of being in the relationship by this point, in her mind she was thinking, “He must still love me because we still make love.” Many women have a hard time understanding that men can easily have a physical relationship with a woman or many women without having any true feelings for them.
When women enter into a physical relationship they actually release hormones that help them to bond emotionally with a man. Men do as well but to a lesser extent. Testosterone tends to combat the chemical reaction that takes place. That may be why men with unusually high levels of testosterone float from woman to woman without pausing to develop any type of real, lasting relationship.
To get back to my passive friend, eventually to his great relief his woman dumped him. After bearing two months of his dismissive behavior, she concluded that the relationship was going nowhere and became disgusted with him. I guess she got sick of assuming the male role in the relationship. By the end she was even paying for most of their recreational outings.
My poor gump of a friend was actually delighted to be the dumpee because he never had to put his foot down and end the relationship like a man. He indirectly forced her to take the initiative for him.
“But I don’t want to hurt her!” he would snivel.
What garbage! He didn’t care about her feelings. He simply didn’t have the courage to confront her and was afraid of being alone.
Don’t do that. It’s not how real men act. If you honestly feel that it’s time to end a relationship then be direct with her. Brutally direct if need be. It’s actually much kinder in the long run.
Think for a moment about how you’d like to be dumped. Would you want her to get all wishy-washy on you? Would you enjoy receiving mixed signals from someone you care about? Wouldn’t it drive you nuts trying to analyze her strange behavior?
“On one hand she definitely seems distant, but then she keeps hanging out with me. And why the heck does she spend the night if she doesn’t love me?”
This would drive me absolutely insane. And although I wouldn’t tolerate it, many people put up with this type of dysfunctional behavior until they either get the point or end the relationship themselves. Some unhealthy relationships can go on like this for years, and in some sad cases even end in marriage!
When it’s time to end the relationship be direct and honest. You must have had some kind of feelings for this woman at some point so respect that and do the kindest thing possible. End it and stick to your guns.
And for God’s sake don’t ever go back to her for a late night booty call. That’s just wrong and can give her false hope. Don’t call when you’re bored and don’t email her. Just let her go! It’s the kindest, most honorable thing you can do. Once you’ve made your decision, stick to it and act like a man.